Planning a holiday with a family is stressful enough without adding to the mix a neurodiverse child as well. It is important for Oscar to have loads of experiences though and going on a plane to a different country is definitely high on the list. As with anything involving a child with a condition, advance planning is key and making sure that the children understand what is going to happen at certain times. Oscar had been talking about Portugal for the last six months so it was a relief to be able to say we were finally going. It’s a bit of a conundrum-do you tell them in plenty of time and run the risk of them talking about it constantly, or do you tell them much nearer to departure and run the risk of them worrying about it? I still haven’t figured that out yet.

When we booked our holiday with TUI, we asked for special assistance for Oscar which could include things like fast track security at the home airport and priority boarding. Oscar wore a sunflower lanyard also to signpost his hidden disability. Unfortunately, this didn’t help us at bag drop. Because the desks were understaffed we had to queue for 40 minutes (the lanes for Jet2 on the other hand were much quicker.) Jet2: 1, TUI:0. We did manage to go through fast track security which did help get some time back although Oscar got a bit upset when his bag was taken to a different area to search and he got a bit confused. We finally got through to departures and we went to our gate after getting drinks for the plane as the hold up meant we didn’t have time to go to a cafe.

When we got to the gate though we were able to get priority boarding and because we had chosen our seats and they were at the front of the plane, were able to quickly get ourselves settled and prepare for the flight. It is worth talking to the holiday company when you book about choosing seats if you have a child with a hidden disability as the price for choosing the seats is often reduced or sometimes free. The flight went well and Oscar enjoyed doing his airport activity book and enjoyed eating some snacks. When we got to Faro airport, all we saw was a sea of people waiting to get through passport control but luckily a member of staff directed us to the priority lane along with others with special conditions and we went through quickly. It’s important to wear lanyards alerting people to special conditions and you can also order badges from Amazon.

After getting our cases, the next step was to find our coach transfer. In other airports we have been able to speak to TUI reps but again the company let themselves down. There was no one to help us get to the coach so it was more luck than judgement that we found it. A couple of years ago, Oscar would have not coped with these problems but it’s testament to how far he has come that he was able to stay calm. It was a fairly long transfer to the hotel as the coach went round the houses but Oscar enjoyed looking out for the hotels (and the pringles helped!)

3HB Clube Humbria: Olhos de Agua

I thoroughly recommend this hotel if you are going with children. The hotel staff were helpful and made sure we had all the information we needed. When we had taken cases to our room we went to the restaurant. The good thing about buffet style food in hotels is that there is always pizza! Oscar being quite a fussy eater, was always able to have food he liked. Phew!

We chose an all-inclusive package. We could have eaten at the restaurant for lunch every day but after a big breakfast the snack bar at the pool was sufficient. Oscar often had a toasted sandwich which is another food he really enjoys. All-inclusive hotels are great for families. The children can go and get ice creams and drinks whenever. Millie (and I) loved the slushies and I might have had a few pina coladas over the holiday!

The grounds of the hotel were immaculate and there were plenty of sunbeds around the pool. The pool was freezing though which was a shame but once you were used to it it was pleasant and even Oscar who does suffer with the cold, even did some swimming. His favourite thing was playing with the water pistol of course. The splash park was great too despite the water being cold and myself and my husband had to go under the tipping bucket a number of times (brrrr). Oscar enjoyed all the slides.

We had an apartment style room towards the back of the hotel in a quiet block which perfect for Oscar to feel relaxed in and he got to watch Bluey (he loved it even if the characters spoke in Portugese). We had a fridge so we stocked it with big bottles of water (you could ask for as much as you wanted from the reception.) There was a main bedroom and the lounge area had a sofa bed for Oscar and one for Millie. The bed was perfect for Oscar. We had a balcony as well.

Fabulous Falesia beach

Many of the days were spent at the beach. On the first day we walked down to the little beach at Olhos de Agua. Subsequently we found a nicer beach, Falesia Beach, going in the other direction which was more like the Algarve beaches that I remembered from my childhood. The sand was great for building sandcastles and there were lots of shells. We swam in the sea when the temperature was 30 degrees, on cooler days (still mid 20s) we paddled and built sandcastles. Oscar wasn’t that fussed about the sea but loved building sandcastles and building moats for the sea to come into. My daughter Millie loved running into the waves (the waves on the Atlantic coast were great for jumping into.)

Departure

When the time came to go home, we really didn’t want to leave. We had a great holiday. The children had enjoyed themselves, Oscar had been relaxed as the apartment was almost home from home for him and the food was perfect for his tastes. He managed the heat really well. I was really proud of him. The coach transfer went smoothly and I was impressed with Faro airport check-in. The staff member advised us to make use of special assistance for Oscar which we are so glad we took up. It meant that we used a separate security area again (pretty much just ourselves) so it was calm. We went in the priority lane for passport exit checks and therefore we had a lot more time in departures (to buy the obligatory toblerone of course!) The flight went fairly smoothly (although there was no priority boarding because there were buses from the terminal to the plane. At East Midlands, we went through the family lane for immigration so it was quick.

Overall, I would definitely say that our holiday was successful. With the right planning, seeking special assistance if possible and choosing a hotel to suit needs, going abroad can work with a neurodiverse child. I will never stop worrying about how Oscar will react but each experience helps me realise that his coping mechanisms are improving. I maybe should have more faith in our plans.

When you have a neurodiverse child, you are constantly learning about how to parent them as their behaviour is often very unpredictable. There are lovely moments of course when they snuggle up to you or say they love you but there can be sudden moments when their personality suddenly changes. The other week, we went to the library after school as it was too cold and wet for the park. We bought some biscuits there, started looking at the books and Oscar said he wanted to use the computers. I try to persuade Oscar to go on MyMaths or another game from school but he prefers to look at the weather website or look at the computer settings. I don’t know how he did it but he managed to change the orientation of the screen. Not to worry, I’ll try and help him revert it, I thought, unprepared for the outburst.

Oscar is now getting an independent boy who knows what he wants and there was no way he was letting me near the mouse. He kept screaming, we tried to restart the computer, all the while he was getting more and more angry. My anxiety levels were increasing as we were in a busy place and I just wanted to get home for tea. Eventually he managed to log out of the computer and the screen was back to normal. Phew!

Because of my stressed state of mind, I forgot that Oscar wants to put his woolly hat on even if we are going home in the car, so desperate I was to leave the library, and I left it in the bag. Big mistake. He shouted at me all the way home and lashed out when we had parked in the driveway. He was obviously taking his frustration out at me but I was so upset and it took me a while to calm down from the shock. I felt deflated.

Within a few minutes of being home it was as if nothing had happened. He ate his tea and went to bed normally but he did tell his dad what he had done so he does know he was in the wrong. As he gets stronger and eventually taller than me (my 9 year old daughter is almost my height) I do worry about how his frustration at life will affect him.

There is no parenting book for any child and we all have to take things day by day. Some days are very hard but then the next day will be better and your child will do something that makes you proud. Keep going.

Oscar and Millie: December 2022 with matching Christmas pjs. They love it!

If like me, you’re a massive fan of Christmas, you might already be thinking about who you are spending it with and what delicious treats you can get (I’ve already booked my M&S food slot and the Smyths catalogue arrived in September and was annotated straightaway!)

Christmas is a very busy time and can provide a lot of stress for many but for a parent of a neurodiverse child, the festival brings with it lots of uncertainty about how their little ones will react to it. The amount of sensory stimulation is overpowering. Shops filled to the brim with toys, lights galore in the streets, the mile long queues to see the man in red. And don’t get me started on Elf on the Shelf, although I secretly enjoy thinking of what mischievous act the Elf can get up to. Oscar found it funny last year when the Elf drew minion faces on bananas and had a marshmallow bath. Oscar has been going on about wanting a toy food mixer for about 6 months but luckily he is still set on that as I visited Argos a while ago!

However, we must try to remember it is only one day. It is important to try and go with the flow (although it is difficult if you have an unpredictable child.) There is a massive expectation on children but it is important to let them go at their own pace. If they want to open all the presents at once: that’s fine! If they don’t want to that’s ok also. Can they have their millionth choccie biscuit? Of course. Can they have some break out time? Definitely. I am going to take Oscar’s ear defenders to my Mum’s house where we are spending Christmas Day. He can regulate himself with them and it helps if it all gets too much.

This year they don’t break up from school until December 22nd so there won’t be too long until the big day. We can have a calm Christmas Eve and open our Christmas Eve box with jigsaws and chocolate and maybe watch a film. The children enjoy wearing special pyjamas. On Christmas Day itself, we are not going out until late morning and so that gives the children time with their presents before we share the day with a dozen family members.

Here are some useful things to remember:

Hope you all have a magical time wherever you are.

Despite knowing that Oscar has settled well into year 2, there are days when I really worry that he is going to be ok. Recently Oscar went to a local farm so I was worried about how he would handle the activities. However, all the adults working with him said how well he did. He had fun exploring the tunnels in the haystack barn, holding the guinea pigs and going on the tractor ride. He really has come on so much in the last few years. I guess I will never stop worrying about him but I probably should have more confidence in his abilities as he has really come on so much.

As parents with children with SEND though, it is easy to forget how far they have come. On the walk to school Oscar asks the same question again and again and really does not like it when I try and have a conversation with another adult or even his sister. If he’s not happy with the answer, he will get even more frustrated until he gets one he’s happy with. It can be incredibly draining. I need to keep in mind that this is part of him and it is just how his brain is wired but in the heat of the moment it is easy to forget.

We have recently returned from Center Parcs in Sherwood Forest. We love Center Parcs. There is so much to do for a family there, whatever the ages of the children. The main attraction is the Subtropical Swimming Paradise, equipped with many flumes, a pool with a wave machine, rapids outside and play areas for little ones. Oscar enjoyed spending a lot of time in the pirate ship area with little slides and jets of water. In the main pool, Oscar enjoyed swimming with the aid of an inflatable jacket or us holding him up. Going with the grandparents helped make the holiday even more successful because Oscar could stay with them whilst myself and my husband were able to go on the rapids with Millie. You can use the swimming complex as much or as little as you like- it’s included in the price of the stay. We tended to stay for a couple of hours each time as Oscar does get tired easily and the sensory overload starts getting to him. If you have older children, going swimming at night is great as the pool stays open until 9 pm.

Apart from swimming, there are so many other activities on offer. For the adrenaline junkie, Aerial Adventure is an activity where you wear a harness and walk along obstacles in the tree tops with a few zip lines on the way and ending with a zip line over the lake. Millie really wanted to do that and she loved it. When we checked in to the activity, the staff helped us get our safety gear on and gave a clear briefing on what to do. Our harness was checked several times before we started and once we were attached to the wire, we were completely safe. On each obstacle, we could hold on to ropes on each side whilst we climbed across them. Some of the obstacles were harder if you have a shorter leg stretch (I’m vertically challenged) and my legs felt like jelly at the end but it was worth it to do the zip line over the lake. I’d definitely recommend it but because each obstacle is completed by one person at a time, you are not able to assist your child. You have to be at least 1.22 m to take part and children up to 8 years need to be accompanied by an adult. The course took around an hour to complete once we had the briefing. Oscar meanwhile was quite happy painting a Halloween pumpkin with his grandparents.

We also went to the bowling alley where the lighting was calming and there were little chutes for children to use to roll the bowling ball. Oscar used this for all his goes and did really well. We went at 10am which was a quiet time. On another day we played badminton and even the court didn’t cause too many sensory problems. Oscar enjoyed getting the shuttlecock over the net in his own unique way (backwards!) We also enjoyed adventure golf. Last time we did it he swung the club around erratically but this time he kept the club closer to the ground and determinedly got the ball in the hole again in his own way.

Center Parcs is a very busy place, particularly in half term but we felt that Oscar managed the atmosphere really well. We packed ear defenders which helped us relax in the restaurants and cafes as he was calm whilst eating his food and drinking his hot chocolate. I think he must have mentioned it a million times but it made him so happy to get his marshmallows. For food options, the Parc Market is great to get all your basics and disposable BBQs if the weather is good, you can order takeaway pizzas from Bella Italia and also choose from a wide variety of restaurants. We always enjoy Foresters Inn which serve food such as burgers and fish and chips. Cafe Rouge is great for toasties and breakfasts and the Pancake House for those with a real sweet tooth! I vote for Dutch Apple pancake. Yum!

Going for a lodge with 4 bedrooms, meant that Oscar could have his own room. He was definitely calmer, being able to arrange things as he wanted and meant that he could go to bed in his usual routine whilst my daughter was playing games with her grandparents. Going on holiday as a family often means the relaxing of routines but for parents of a neurodiverse child, it is so important to carry on as if you were at home. The lodges are pretty much a home from home with all the modern comforts including a TV and plenty of relaxing space. You can bring as much or as little food as you want to cook in the kitchen. We booked the standard Woodland Lodge but there are also Executive lodges available which have a sauna and for those really wanting to splash out or go with other families, you can hire lodges with hot tubs.

The lodges are surrounded by trees, sometimes situated near water and lots of feathered friends visit.

Please visit http://www.centerparcs.co.uk for up to date information and booking details.

People always tell you when you are pregnant to rest lots as you won’t get much sleep once the baby is born. When I found out that I was expecting my son, my daughter was under 2 years old and so it was difficult to be able to rest. It is definitely more tiring the older you get to have a baby, especially if you have a toddler as well. When Oscar was born, he just had to fit in with the nursery drop offs and I often didn’t have enough time to give him all his milk or sleep as I had to rush off to collect my daughter.

Looking back, the time he was a baby was perhaps easier than now. Oscar was fairly placid. (This could have been one of the red flags for autism though.) Oscar was happy feeding whilst my daughter was watching her programs and seemed to just let the world go by. When we started to think that maybe something wasn’t right with his development, it was when it probably started to get a lot harder. I remember taking him to pick up my daughter from Reception and he insisted on carrying a phone charger with him and would scream blue murder if he didn’t have one. Naturally, there was no other mum whose child had a cable and it was quite a lonely time because he hadn’t been diagnosed by then and we were struggling to understand why he was doing the things he did. Once he had his diagnosis, I suppose a lot of things started to make sense but we now had a label for him. We were partly relieved as we knew we could get help but where should we start?

It has been a very steep learning curve and I am still learning. It can be very stressful being a parent anyway but you almost have to learn to predict what Oscar is going to do and how he might react. Now his speech is so much better, he asks a million questions every day. On the walk to school, my daughter wants to talk to me but Oscar will not have it and he demands my attention. He will ask a question randomly and then ask a completely different question and then go back to the first. You can’t fob him off with any old answer. It can be very draining.

I think the most important advice to give you is to make time for yourself. It is difficult when you are busy but you can’t pour from an empty cup. When I went on the Early Bird Plus autism course, the instructors used a great analogy. We all start off each day with a certain amount of energy or ‘spoons.’ More stressful situations take more spoons, and if we keep making debits and not take time for ourselves, we won’t have any left. Every once in a while put a credit in: a coffee with friends, reading a book or a date with your partner without kids. My go-to hobby is Lego and I enjoy building a set, normally Harry Potter, as I can just switch off from everything else. Recently, I went to a glass fusion workshop at my local library and that was very relaxing and I enjoyed making a decoration for my Christmas tree. Myself and my husband have also booked to see Texas next September so that will mean a well-deserved night away.

I wouldn’t change Oscar for the world, but boy, it’s hard.

All you can do as a parent with a child with SEND is to do whatever your child needs. You are the best advocate for your child. Recently, Oscar has started to say ‘I love you mummy’ and ‘Mummy you are the best’ so I must be doing something right! You will get there!