People always tell you when you are pregnant to rest lots as you won’t get much sleep once the baby is born. When I found out that I was expecting my son, my daughter was under 2 years old and so it was difficult to be able to rest. It is definitely more tiring the older you get to have a baby, especially if you have a toddler as well. When Oscar was born, he just had to fit in with the nursery drop offs and I often didn’t have enough time to give him all his milk or sleep as I had to rush off to collect my daughter.

Looking back, the time he was a baby was perhaps easier than now. Oscar was fairly placid. (This could have been one of the red flags for autism though.) Oscar was happy feeding whilst my daughter was watching her programs and seemed to just let the world go by. When we started to think that maybe something wasn’t right with his development, it was when it probably started to get a lot harder. I remember taking him to pick up my daughter from Reception and he insisted on carrying a phone charger with him and would scream blue murder if he didn’t have one. Naturally, there was no other mum whose child had a cable and it was quite a lonely time because he hadn’t been diagnosed by then and we were struggling to understand why he was doing the things he did. Once he had his diagnosis, I suppose a lot of things started to make sense but we now had a label for him. We were partly relieved as we knew we could get help but where should we start?

It has been a very steep learning curve and I am still learning. It can be very stressful being a parent anyway but you almost have to learn to predict what Oscar is going to do and how he might react. Now his speech is so much better, he asks a million questions every day. On the walk to school, my daughter wants to talk to me but Oscar will not have it and he demands my attention. He will ask a question randomly and then ask a completely different question and then go back to the first. You can’t fob him off with any old answer. It can be very draining.

I think the most important advice to give you is to make time for yourself. It is difficult when you are busy but you can’t pour from an empty cup. When I went on the Early Bird Plus autism course, the instructors used a great analogy. We all start off each day with a certain amount of energy or ‘spoons.’ More stressful situations take more spoons, and if we keep making debits and not take time for ourselves, we won’t have any left. Every once in a while put a credit in: a coffee with friends, reading a book or a date with your partner without kids. My go-to hobby is Lego and I enjoy building a set, normally Harry Potter, as I can just switch off from everything else. Recently, I went to a glass fusion workshop at my local library and that was very relaxing and I enjoyed making a decoration for my Christmas tree. Myself and my husband have also booked to see Texas next September so that will mean a well-deserved night away.

I wouldn’t change Oscar for the world, but boy, it’s hard.

All you can do as a parent with a child with SEND is to do whatever your child needs. You are the best advocate for your child. Recently, Oscar has started to say ‘I love you mummy’ and ‘Mummy you are the best’ so I must be doing something right! You will get there!